“Wynonna Earp” Recap: Merry Earpmas!!!

Finally, Wynonna Earp gives us the Christmas special we’ve always dreamed of! ‘If We Make it Through December’ gives us an elf costume, tampon angel, and some very angry chestnuts, along with a whole slew of other exciting things. The episode was written by Emiy Andras and Matt Doyle, and directed by Paolo Barzman.

All Hail the Menstruangel | Christmas is the Earp household is a fun affair. Wynonna (Melanie Scrofano) is running around in a onesie, Mama (Megan Follows) is decorating the house, and WayHaught is getting it on loudly while Nicole (Katherine Barrell) is dressed as an elf. Doc (Tim Rozon) chops down and brings his own tree to the Homestead, but Mama is already very happy with the tree they already have and tell him to take it elsewhere. Mama also insists Wynonna chase after Doc to get it on with, which sounds like a great idea if you ask me!

At a tree lot, Nedley (Greg Lawson) is playing Santa when a boy named Tim (Dylan Poyser) gets lured away and taken by Bulshar (Jean Marchand).

After Nicole and Waverly (Dominique Provost-Chalkley) say their goodbyes, the Earp sisters have a chat about their mother and Wynonna uses this opportunity to tell her baby sis that her birth father is an angel. Waverly goes to her mom in the kitchen for answers, but Mama is elbows deep in a Christmas turkey she hunted herself and tries to dodge the question, but ends up giving in and tells her girls the story of Julian.

Julian was kind, the opposite of Ward, but he disappeared the day Mama gave birth to Waverly and never returned. We also learn that Bobo (Michael Eklund) was there when Waves was born.

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Those Aren’t Chestnuts | Doc drags his tree to their office where he finds a stache-less Jeremy (Varun Saranga). Jeremy thinks Robin (Justin Kelly) ghosted them after they found that stairway in the forest, but that’s not what happened at all.

Robin and the kidnapped boy Tim, along with countless others, are being kept in cages in some sort of creepy torture basement from nightmares. Bulshar is taking members from original families and forcing some sort of evil nut type thing down their throats, followed by some green plasma that looks like it came right out of Killjoys. What it does to them, we don’t know, but I don’t imagine it’s good.

Back at the tree lot, Nedley is in a trancelike state because he can’t believe he lost a kid right under his nose. Nicole tells Wynonna to go into the forest to help Charlie (Sebastian Pigott) the Fire Services man on the case. They look over a patch of blood, but it’s obviously staged and Wynonna bets it’s animal blood. Suddenly, a giant tree branch comes crashing down, almost striking the pair. He notices the tree is a kind that shouldn’t be growing in that area, but they shrug it off and Wynonna takes some of the blood to Jeremy to test.

Wynonna and Waverly later put together that it’s original families Bulshar is targeting, setting Jeremy’s mind to ease about Robin ghosting him, and Wynonna decides it’s time for her and Doc to pay his wife Kate (Chantel Riley) a visit.

Kate answers their questions about Bulshar, but insists she doesn’t know the true purpose of it. Kate then reveals to Doc that she’s been a vampire as long as he has known her, but he thought she was telling stories when she said things like that to him. Apparently Kate had her friend Sally pose for her in newspaper photos so no one ever really knew what Kate really looked like, which is extremely clever! As Doc and Wynonna are readying to leave, Kate makes sure to give Doc back his knife that he left the other night he came over to sleep with her. Wynonna took that like a slap in the face and leaves Doc and Kate alone, where Kate tells Doc what he’s been waiting to hear from someone for a long time, she needs him.

Well Well Well | Waverly sneaks off to go visit Bobo at the well. She’s got some questions for him about her father. Bobo tells her how Michelle had her and as soon as he heard her name was Waverly, he knew he had to protect her [thanks Wynonna!], so he took her to Ward and threatened him into taking care of her. Bobo also hints at knowing Julian’s location, but who knows if the revenant is telling the truth.

Wynonna and Doc make it back to the station and share what is almost a sad kiss under the mistletoe because Wynonna doesn’t want to be the other woman. In another room, Nedley and Nicole are talking about what happened at the tree lot, and Nedley explains how he just froze up. She tries to reassure him, but when that doesn’t work she ends up setting out with the search party and finding a strange flower that was definitely out of place.

Down in the torture basement, Bulshar chooses Tim as his next seed and goop eating victim, but good ol’ Robin volunteers to go instead, sparing the boy. Bulshar decides Robin will do, and has him strapped to the chair. Robin, the whole time, is reassuring Tim that everything is going to be alright, and for Robin’s sake I hope he’s right.

Just above ground, Wynonna comes across Charlie and, after confirming he’s human, storms the creepy torture basement with him, killing Bulshar’s minions and freeing people together. Bulshar gets away, but Robin is alive! He’s got some of the green goop on his face, but other than that he appears unharmed!

New Sheriff in Town | Back at the Purgatory Sheriff’s Department, all the missing people are reunited with their families, and Jeremy and Robin share their first kiss!

Nicole talks to Nedley in his office, and it’s here he passes the metaphorical torch to Nicole when he tells her he’s retiring. He can’t take all this craziness anymore, he definitely deserves to become Vacation Nedley full-time!

It’s Christmas dinner and the whole gang is gathered around the table eating, they left a spot open for Dolls and toast to him. Doc ends up leaving, but Mama won’t let Wynonna go after him. Mama is very proud of the family her girls created in her absence. Mama even switches her fancy angel on the tree to Waverly’s menstruangel.

After a chat with Mama, Wynonna heads out to meet up with Charlie for some no strings attached sex.

Mama uses this opportunity to go visit Bobo to get some answers on Julian’s whereabouts. Mama brings him Christmas dinner and a rope to get out in exchange for his Julian information.

Back at the Homestead, Waverly wants to celebrate Nicole’s promotion by dressing up and singing a cute song/dancing a cute dance for her. Waves stops in the middle to giggle and kiss her love, and it’s one of the most believable couple scenes I have ever seen!

Remember how Doc left dinner? Well that was so he could go see Kate and have her TURN HIM INTO A FREAKIN VAMPIRE! WHAT?!?!?!?!?

Catch Wynonna Earp Fridays on SYFY at 9pm!

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