“Riverdale” Recap: Can’t Buy Me Love

It’s Maple Syrup Season on Riverdale and with it comes all sorts of Blossom family drama. Both Archie and Polly find themselves right in the middle of it all while trying to keep one foot firmly planted in the realm of the sane. Betty tries desperately to find out what Polly was thinking, moving in with the Blossoms and Veronica learns that her father’s actions affected more than just her own family. “Chapter Nine: La Grande Illusion” was written by James DeWille and directed by Lee Rose. Here’s what happened this week.

THE RED TAPPING | With the heir apparent to the Blossom Maple Syrup Empire gone (what a sentence to type), the Blossoms struggle to hold onto their seat of power over the board of directors. The entire board descends upon Riverdale for the annual Tree Tapping Ceremony and if a power shift occurs in their favor, even better. In order to keep the odd in their favor, the Blossoms enlist Archie (K.J. Apa) to act as Cheryl’s (Madelaine Petsch) escort for the ceremony, promising to put in a good word at a prestigious music program if he agrees. He feels weird about it, given he is dating Val (guest star Hayley Law), but after talking to her about it, agrees. At the ceremony, Cheryl is tasked with the first ‘tapping’ and despite her parents’ expectations, absolutely nails it (pun intended). Mr. Blossom (guest star Barclay Hope) invites Archie to act as Cheryl’s escort again for a banquet dinner and again he agrees, though the weird feeling he had before has only gotten stronger. Mr. Blossom takes him to get a custom red suit made for the event and while they are there, Archie asks him if instead of the music program, would Mr. Blossom be willing to help Fred (Luke Perry) with the construction site debacle. Mr. Blossom is impressed and promises they will talk after the dinner. Val is starting to get fed up with Cheryl’s behavior and how the Blossoms are clearly buying Archie off. At the dinner, Mr. Blossom promises Archie that he and his dad could have a bright future if their families work together and Cheryl’s claim on the maple syrup empire would be secure with Archie by her side in some kind of super creepy modern day arranged marriage. Polly (guest star Tiera Skovbye) cuts in at that moment to rescue Archie from that conversation and tells him she is certain the Blossoms had something to do with Jason’s death. Archie sees Cheryl arguing with her dad and follows her outside where she tells him that he is the only one who never asked her to be someone she isn’t and kisses him. Between that and his earlier conversation with Mr. Blossom, he is supremely weirded out and leaves the party but not before overhearing Mr. and Mrs. Blossom talking about how they were behind Hiram Lodge being sent to jail. The next day Archie tells Val she was right about them trying to buy him but she is done with his nonsense also and breaks up with him.

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SINS OF THE FATHER | After she hears Ethel (guest star Shannon Purser) read a personal and emotional poem in class about the problems her family is having at home, Veronica (Camila Mendes) takes her under her wing. She is preparing to have to testify on her father’s behalf and is already feelings weird about it so she relates to Ethel’s feelings of things being out of control. She brings Ethel over for lunch with Kevin (Casey Cott) and Betty (Lili Reinhart) and while they are there, Hermione (Marisol Nichols) realizes that Ethel’s father is one of the many people screwed over by Hiram’s embezzlement and tells Veronica. Veronica is on their side about it and is glad they will likely be testifying against her father. She also tells her mother to stop lying to Fred about the Lodge’s real involvement in the construction job that is causing him so much grief. Hermione relents and comes clean to Fred who is rightfully furious that she has been lying to him and that the reason it is being made worse for him is because Hiram found out about their relationship. Veronica tries to make up for her father’s actions by giving Ethel things from her closet because her father’s way of apologizing was gifts, including her iconic pearls but Ethel just wants to be friends. When Veronica learns that Ethel’s father tried to kill himself because of what her father put him through, she tears off her pearls and breaks down. She goes to the hospital to bring flowers to Ethel and her mom and that is where Ethel learns the truth about how the Lodges are involved in it all and is heartbroken. Veronica vows to her mother that she will not be testifying on her father’s behalf in any hearing. At school, Veronica tries once again to apologize to Ethel but being a sane and good person, Ethel doesn’t blame Veronica for the actions of her father and wants to still be friends. Hermione and Fred finally talk and while he will continue on the project, he wants a bigger cut and any relationship they have will now be strictly professional from here on out.

CRUMBLING FAMILY | Alice Cooper (Mädchen Amick) is not taking Polly moving in with the Blossoms very well and is determined to write an exposé to bring them and their maple syrup empire crashing down. Betty is mostly just concerned with finding out why her sister would agree to this and to get her home. Through Archie, she and Jughead (Cole Sprouse) learn that Polly is actually working undercover from inside the Blossom family to prove that they were the ones behind Jason’s death and refusing contact with Betty and their mother is just part of her cover. Betty is still upset that her entire family is crumbling around her with Polly away, her mother spiraling, and her father kicking her mother out of the newspaper they ran together. Jughead invites Alice to join them at the school paper which doesn’t feel particularly legal but since when is Riverdale entirely on the up-and-up as a town anyway? They also learn from Archie about the Blossom’s involvement in Hiram Lodge’s imprisonment and mark that down as a serious motive for why Hiram would want to have Jason killed.

OTHER THOUGHTS:
• Line of the Night goes to Cheryl for, “Looking extremely DILF-y today!” I choked on my water and had to check I heard it right but she did indeed call Fred Andrews aka Luke Perry, a “DILF”.
• I am really concerned about the Blossom family and their need for a ginger heir by any means necessary whether it’s via Jason’s unborn twins or by kidnapping the nearest redhead of appropriate age.
• I am so happy Ethel recognized that it wasn’t Veronica’s fault that her father did horrible things and still wanted to be friends.

So what did you think? Is Polly onto something about the Blossoms? What is Cheryl plotting against Archie and Polly with her single picture Burn Book? How did Hiram find out about Hermione and Fred and will be back off now that they’ve broken up? Let us know your theories in the comments below!

Tune in to Riverdale Thursdays at 9/8c on The CW!

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