This week on The Magicians, our heroes go on a magical scavenger hunt of sorts to track down the battle magic they need to defeat The Beast. Elsewhere, Julia deals with The Beast’s Broadway side and meets up with an old friend turned foe turned ally turned I’m not sure. As the only one left in Fillory, Eliot takes on his first challenge as High King with interesting results. “Hotel Spa Potions” was written by John McNamara and directed by Chris Fisher. Here’s what happened.
HIDDEN PAGES | After finding the Brakebills spell workbook from the 1800s, the Magical Quartet of Quentin (Jason Ralph), Alice (Olivia Taylor Dudley), Margo (Summer Bishil), and Penny (Arjun Gupta) head back to their own world to get some answers. They find the Dean Rick Worthy) who recognizes the name of the professor mentioned in the workbook, Bigby, and takes off to do his own investigating. He goes to Professor Sunderland (Anne Dudek) for help as she knows the library better than anyone and he is convinced that is where Bigby has hidden the spell book. The Magical Quartet heads to the Physical Kids’ Cottage and after a bit of relocation (thanks Margo), they arrive to find a party raging. There, Margo makes a hangover cocktail for Penny who is still having trouble keeping his hands under control. They meet back up with the Dean and Sunderland in the library to figure out Bigby’s hiding spot. Quentin figures out the book they are looking for is called “Last Hope Options” but it takes all of them exhausting every possible riddle to figure out that an anagram for the title of the book is also “Hotel Spa Potions”. That leads them to a fake cover and eventually the book itself. When they open it however, the chapter in question has been torn out, an “I told you so” note for the Dean in its place, and they are back to square one. The buckle down and use their combined riddle-solving skills to figure out where Bigby must be hiding. The Dean takes Alice and Quentin with him to go see her. Bigby (guest star Amanda Brooks) is delighted to see the Dean and plants one on him while Quentin and Alice look anywhere else. She refuses to just give them the spell and tells them to convince her why they should. Alice and Quentin stand up and give their presentation (all that was missing was a powerpoint) but Bigby is a tad too preoccupied reliving her and the Dean’s sexual exploits back in the day. The Dean implores her on their behalf and she concedes, giving Alice and handkerchief with the spell on it. She warns her that anyone within twenty feet of the blast will be killed. While they deal with Bigby, Sunderland helps Penny with his hands. She creates a pair of chain bracelets for him that give him back control of his hands (after he had them bound behind his back for twelve hours). He and Margo meet back up with Quentin, Alice, and the Dean in some kind of blacksmith’s dungeon forge where he gives all four of them incredibly painful magical tattoos tied to their names. The tattoos are made to hold a cacodemon which looks kind of like if someone set a naked mole rat on fire. He tells them to unleash theirs, they simply have to speak their name and the demons should keep The Beast busy long enough for Alice to charge the spell.
BEAUTY AND THE BEAST | The Beast (Charles Mesure) has decided that he exists in a musical and has been singing everything (even with spontaneous magic piano accompaniment) much to Julia’s (Stella Maeve) annoyance. She is still working on a sigil to summon Reynard but The Beast’s chipper attitude and singing is making it hard to concentrate. He accidentally lets slip that he placed a bit of a curse on the castle that will be affecting her newly royal friends very shortly. He refuses to give her any details but calls it a “royal test” that no one has ever passed. He changes the subject back to the task at hand and tells her they need bait. Julia assumes it will be her but The Beast reminds her that Reynard will see her coming a mile away. He is excited because he’s found the perfect bait but Julia refuses to put someone else in danger, threatening him with the magic dagger. He knows the loopholes of their contract too well though and isn’t flustered in the least. He breaks into song and poofs himself into a busy street where he exits triumphantly in song like the villain of the most messed up Disney movie ever. After some time, he poofs back into Julia’s with his chosen bait, Marina (Kacey Rohl), who is furious at both of them and refuses to help. The Beast decides that singing while eating a push-pop will definitely help the situation. If looks could kill, Marina and Julia would make him a smoking pile of ashes on the floor but sadly that is not how magic works, Instead, Marina storms out. She immediately contacts her hedge witch frenemy on the west coast to warn her about Reynard and suggests a hedge witch team up. She gets all the way to San Francisco only to find the frenemy completely torn apart. Now at her most desperate, she goes to Brakebills to beg the Dean to give her asylum but he refuses after everything she’s done. The only place left for her to go is back to Julia’s where she tells them she’s in. Julia gets a message from Quentin and goes to meet him where he warns her that they are coming for the Beast. She tells him they can do whatever they want AFTER she uses him to kill Reynard but Quentin tells her they can’t wait. Before they part ways, both determined to succeed first, Julia remembers what The Beast said about the curse and warns Quentin.
BRING OUT THE ROYAL DUNG | Stuck in Fillory while his friends figure out battle magic, Eliot (Hale Appleman) deals with the multitude of problems Fillory has besides just The Beast. Fen (Brittany Curran) brings the most immediate one to his attention; the fact that without magic, none of the farmers are able to actually grow any food to eat. Using his deepest darkest secret, Eliot the former farm child helps teach the farmers. He realizes that they haven’t been fertilizing their crops and presents each of them with bags of “royal dung” for their fields. They are confused and a bit disgusted but he tells them to trust their king. It works and The Magical Quartet reappears with their new plan just in time for him to fill them in on his triumph as “King Sh*t”.
OTHER THOUGHTS:
• As inexplicable as The Beast’s sudden desire to be in his own musical was, I loved every second of it. The only thing I loved more was watching Julia use every ounce of self-control she had to not strangle him.
• I need to know more about Bigby. I want stories. I want flashbacks. I want everything.
• I think the Fillorians should build a large farmer themed statue of their new High King. I’m sure he’ll love it.
So what did you think? Now that Marina’s on Team Julia, will their plan actually work and work before the others succeed in killing The Beast? Will Alice still be strong enough to take him? Let us know in the comments below!
Be sure to catch The Magicians Wednesdays at 9/8c on Syfy!