“Dickinson” Episode ‘My Life had stood – a Loaded Gun –’ Recap: Into the Inferno and Back

In Apple TV+’s Dickinson, Episode “My Life had stood – a Loaded Gun –“, Emily Dickinson (Hailee Steinfeld) descends upon her darkest journey yet – in the far reaches of the Inferno where she must confront her deepest fears in order to restore lost hope and find her truth.

The Real Enemy | Mr. Dickinson (Toby Huss) expresses his deepest condolences in a eulogy dedicated to Frazer Stearns (Will Pullen), who is among the most recent list of Union soldier casualties of the Civil War. Emily is the only member of the Dickinson family to attend Frazer’s funeral services.

Just before the service, Emily had pleaded with Austin (Adrian Enscoe) to attend with her, expressing her concern that Austin’s absence would reflect poorly on Mr. Dickinson and their family. Emily’s display of conventional family values stands in stark contrast to the unconventional Emily whom Austin once knew and admired.

Certainly, Emily’s current perception of family values and familial responsibility pleases her traditional father, who was elated to see that at least his eldest daughter attended Frazer’s funeral and sat in the front row in support of Mr. Dickinson’s eulogy to Frazer. Little to Mr. Dickinson’s knowledge, Emily was a little distracted from his patriotic speech of glory and honor by none other than the “Nobody” himself, Frazer’s reoccurring apparition.

Emily inquires about Nobody’s experience in war. He likens war to Dante’s Inferno – “the rawest, ugliest truth”. Nobody goes on to explain that in war, you learn that the real enemy you face is not your opponent, but yourself. He can’t help but to also point out to Emily that the strength of her relationship with her father and the hope she expresses for her family’s state of wellbeing rings disingenuous.

On the contrary, Mr. Dickinson asks Emily to be the executor of his last will and testament, which is traditionally the role of a father’s oldest son. Emily is deeply touched and honored by her father’s request. To Emily’s demise and despite the tumultuous relationship between Mr. Dickinson and Austin, he still will’s his home and all possessions within the home to Austin, and if not Austin, then Austin’s son. Among these household possessions includes Emily and her sister Lavinia (Anna Baryshnikov). Mr. Dickinson doesn’t believe a woman capable of owning property, nor will he risk tarnishing the Dickinson family name.

It is in this moment that Emily has the revelation that her beloved father is not the person or man she believed him to be. “The truth is… you are nothing but a scared sheep,” Emily tells her father. “You have no power to change anything because you have no imagination.” Emily realizes that she made a mistake to take her father’s side in his feud with Austin because Austin was right about their father after all.

Abandon All Hope | Emily, distraught over the unfortunate realization of her father, runs into the woods near her home and follows a trail to Frazer’s grave. When she arrives at the gravesite, Nobody is waiting for her. Emily stares deep into the pit – the entrance to the Inferno. “Abandon all hope and you find where true hope lies,” says Nobody. “The one place you haven’t looked – the darkest place of all.”

Emily cautiously descends stairs into the Inferno and the world around her is transformed into a haunting version of her home. She is suddenly wearing a white wedding gown and entering a room lit by blue and magenta lighting. Emily continues to follow the stairs deeper into the Inferno until she finds herself in the kitchen of the Dickinson home. Lavinia is there, dressed as a nurse and she is caring for “all of her husbands. All of them and none of them.” Lavinia blames Emily for her not being married and ruining her chance at happiness.

Emily descends many more levels of the spiral staircase until she runs into Austin. Austin is furious with her and intends on locking her up for being “crazy” and destroying his marriage with Sue (Ella Hunt). Austin proceeds to throw her into a room. Inside the room is Emily’s mother (Jane Krakowski). Mrs. Dickinson has reverted to a child-like state. She sits alone in an adult-size crib, crying out of fear and loneliness. Mrs. Dickinson begs Emily to take care of her.

Emily runs from her mother and hits the spiral stairs again until she finds herself in her father’s office where Mr. Dickinson sits dead at his desk. Sue, dressed in full drag with a tuxedo and top hat, takes her hand and they descend further into the Inferno. Sue brings her to the parlor where they are alone and free to be together. Standing side by side, Emily and Sue look as if they had just been married.

Sue pulls Emily close and they dance. Hailee is hesitant at first but eventually begins to lose herself in the moment with Sue. Still, something doesn’t feel right. Hailee remembers where she is and stops Sue. Sue tries to kiss her, but she rejects Sue’s advances. Sue’s insecurities surface about Emily’s love and desire for her. She tells Emily to “never touch [her] again” before running away.

“’Hope’ is the thing with feathers” | Emily is transported to a new place – the battleground where the First South Carolina Regiment faces off with Confederate soldiers. Emily is wearing her Union uniform again – a navy coat and blood-red pants. She takes cover in a nearby bunker constructed of stones.

Emily watches helplessly as Henry (Chinaza Uche) is knocked to the ground by a Confederate and injured by a bayonet. Just before Henry is killed, he is able to shoot down the man standing over him. Henry stands and finds that he and his men are victorious in their fight.

Emily is overtaken with relief when she looks to the tree above her a sees the little yellow bird that symbolizes hope. There she stands on the forest floor, now having faced the darkest corners of her mind, and hope, “the thing with feathers,” is renewed and restored.

Alright, Dickinstans. What did you think of Episode 8? Do you think Emily has found the courage and enlightenment to face her greatest fears in real life? Leave your comments below!

With only two episodes left in the third and final season, Dickinson is now streaming on Apple TV+.